Feelings

So far I have only written about the chronology and science of this new circumstance. Along the way, my feelings about the diagnosis and surgeries have run from astonishment to acceptance, denial to determination.


When I first got my diagnosis, I was completely taken aback. As I mentioned in my first post, I had expected to be told to take painkillers, or do some stretches. I did not expect to be told I'd need one surgery, let alone two. When I left Dr. Su's office that day (a perfectly normal Tuesday, which seems to be when all shocking and bad things happen), I was distraught. It seemed my entire life would be taken away: days in the hospital, weeks barely mobile, months on crutches, half a year before I could play tennis again.

In the days between my diagnosis and my MRI, I researched my condition and the surgery. I read several blogs written by young women uncannily like myself, struck almost as if on cue, in their late twenties. It is because of those blogs that I began this blog -- in an effort to add to to the well of personal experience with PAOs, for current and future dysplasia sufferers.

Now my feelings have shifted from panic, self-pity and denial to resignation and motivation. I am convinced I need the PAO surgery in both hips and I am actively trying to move the process along to get started as soon as possible for the right hip. After 15 years of pain, it is time to get this fixed, hopefully once (ok, twice) and for all.

Artwork courtesy of and (c) Olle Söderström.