Showing posts with label pain management. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain management. Show all posts

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Screw Removal

I am now officially hardware-free! Yesterday I had the six screws from my LPAO removed in an outpatient procedure. It was relatively quick (I think it took an hour in OR) but I got general anaesthesia anyway. There was the option to just be heavily sedated but honestly I did not want to hear and feel the vibrations from the drill, no matter how much happy juice they were giving me at the time.

This time when I came out of general anesthesia I was strangely restless and impatient, like I wanted to get out of there, I was bored, I wanted to read, I wanted to move, want want want, I don't know what I wanted but it was everything and nothing. Strange. But better than shaking and freezing like last time.

I came to with several layers of bandages over the incision, and not a lot of pain in the incision area: maybe a 3 on the pain scale, which lowered to a 2 once they gave me some more morphine.

They discharged me relatively quickly; I was only in the PACU for about an hour and then we got on the road on our way home. During the three-and-a-half hour drive home from Boston I was relatively pain-free, but I was very nauseous the whole way and did get sick once on the side of the road. I hadn't even been nauseous after either of my other procedures, so I think this was more the result of a long car drive on top of the general anesthesia and morphine.

Today the incision site is quite painful; more painful than I expected it to be. I'm taking the oxycodone as often and as much as I'm allowed to and it doesn't seem to be making a dent.

Dr. Millis told me I shouldn't play tennis or really do any activity for two weeks after the screw removal, and I'd kind of hoped that was a conservative estimate and I could be back to at least walking to work and working out, if not tennis, by mid-week this week. But at the rate my incision hurts now, there is no way that is going to happen.

That is depressing, because tennis season starts on Thursday, and I've been playing more and more tennis recently to get ready for it. In the last couple of weeks it has been up to three times a week and my hips have been feeling great. So taking two weeks off now is a big setback.

But I suppose I shouldn't complain -- I'm lucky to be on the courts again so soon anyway, and at least now I am 100% done with all my surgeries. One year and five months after my initial diagnosis, both PAOs are done, all the hardware is out, and I know I'm going to be feeling better than I have in years as soon as this incision heals. And that is a good feeling.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Progress Report


Officially five weeks post-LPAO now, and there is more good news to report.

I have been to the gym three times since I got the green light to start last Tuesday. Getting on that bike and moving my blood around feels so good after a month of basically being sedentary. I have fewer restrictions on my movement than I did at this point last time, plus I got started going to the gym the day after I got permission from the doctors, so the mood-enhancing effects have already begun.

At the gym I have been riding the stationary bike for 30 minutes on the "random" setting, with a highest resistance of about 6-8 (out of 25 available on the bike). It may not sound like much but after my RPAO I had to start at zero resistance for 10 minutes, and work up from there. Plus, my cardiovascular endurance totally disappeared during my month of the Couch Workout, so 30 minutes at level 6 has me breathing hard enough already! But I'm looking forward to improving on that front as well.

I've also done some upper body work at the gym (although with all the crutching, I don't think I've lost that much strength) -- lat pulldowns, rows, chest presses, etc., but I've been pretty lackadaisical about it so far; must step it up a bit.

Interestingly, I just realized that I -- completely coincidentally, without having gone back to check my post-RPAO entries -- quit my pain meds at exactly the same time post-LPAO *to the day*. Amazing! So yes, I quit my pain meds today, exactly the same way I did at the five-month mark last time: I woke up with very little pain, and figured, hey, why not give it a shot?

One of the reasons I decided to go off the pain meds now was that I wanted to feel pain as the warning sign it is. Now that I am putting more weight on the left leg, and using one crutch at times, I don't want to push things too fast simply because I've numbed the pain and don't know that I am putting too much strain on the joint. But so far, so good. What pain there has been is minimal and tolerable and subsides if I give my hip a rest for a while.

So now I am pharma-free, except for aspirin (allowed to quit next week), fiber, and calcium. I sleep well on both sides. My incisions look great. My only niggling problem is that tight spot on my spine where the epidural was, although I don't feel it nearly as often now. If it is not gone by next week I'll let the team know.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

One Month Post-LPAO


Today was my one month post-op appointment with Dr. Millis and the team. I already had a feeling my left hip was healing faster than my right hip had earlier this year, but my appointment today confirmed this.

I got the standard x-rays before seeing the team: supine AP and false profile. When I went over the films with Erin, she pointed out the areas of bridging -- where the bone had begun knitting to fill the cracks. My bones have done a spectacular amount of knitting in the past month! The cut in the illium was barely visible (except the big gap to fill caused by moving the acetabulum), and the other two cuts were bridging nicely. I'll try to get the films so I can post them. Both Dr. Millis and Erin were impressed.

I reported that I am down to two Percocet a day, one in the morning and one before bed; Valium occasionally as needed. That strange pain (that I thought might be a ligament) is completely gone now. I still take one Atarax at nighttime. I am sleeping much better now, able to sleep comfortably on both sides now, as well as on my back. I still have the strange pulling feeling at my epidural site, so Erin told me to let them know if it got worse or continued much longer.

Erin did my range of motion tests and they were good as well. My hip can bend below 90 degrees towards my chest now and rotation was good. My straight leg raise was high and strong, too, which I think is because I was in good shape going into the surgery. I think if the muscles around your hip are strong going in, it can only help in the recovery.

When it came to movement, I admitted that I'd been putting more weight on the leg this past week. Erin had me walk with one crutch and then a few steps without crutches. One crutch felt OK but without crutches I definitely felt that sinking feeling you get when the leg is not ready to take the weight yet. So I am officially allowed to start using one crutch, but always keep the other around in case I need support or my gait becomes uneven "like a penguin," to quote Erin. Great news, huh?

I am allowed to go to the gym now, with far fewer restrictions than I had post-RPAO. I can do the stationary bicycle at zero resistance to start, as usual, but I can increase duration and resistance faster this time. And I can do any upper body and core exercises I want, provided my hip feels fine when I'm doing them. This is great news because the faster I can start getting back into shape the better; I'd rather not lose as much fitness as I did after the right hip surgery.

It is amazing how much different this recovery has gone compared to my recovery in March. Other women have said that one hip is always worse than the other, but you never know which one will be the bad one. Imagine if this one had been worse than the RPAO! But luckily it is going fantastically so far, and I'm feeling really great. But I doubt I would have appreciated the speed and ease of this recovery as much if I hadn't had such a rough go of it in March.

So good news overall, but there's still a lot of healing to do. I am going to try not to get overexcited about this progress, and continue to take it slow and steady so I can keep knitting away as well as I have been. I return to see Dr. Millis and the team in four weeks (Dec. 29), but I'll update here before then, to report on how the new weight-bearing and gym visits are going.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Three Weeks Post LPAO


It is now three weeks post-LPAO. At this point last time I had a giant leap in progress. This time, progress on the left hip is just steady and slow. I think the difference (again) is that Dr. Millis didn't have to go into the joint capsule on this left side. The first three weeks of horrendousness after my RPAO probably had a lot to do with the joint capsule having to heal up and stabilize. So while my first three weeks post-LPAO felt better than my first three weeks post-RPAO, I think the recoveries are pulling even now.

PAIN and its MEDICATION

My pain is generally very low. Most of the day I am in little to no pain. I usually wake up with pain around 4 or 5 in the morning, but once I take a Percocet I can make it quite a while until the next one. That ligament (or whatever it is) is still bugging me from time to time, but not nearly as much as it was last week, when it hurt at every step. Now it is just an occasional pinch from time to time.

Sleeping is still not fantastic, but is getting better. I still wake up a few times a night when I have to roll over. I can comfortably sleep on my right (non-op) side for long stretches at a time. The pain gets worse towards the morning when the previous night's bedtime Percocet has worn off. Last night, in a fit of madness, I tried to roll onto my left side. Ouch. I'm not quite ready for that yet.

I am gradually stepping down on the painkillers. This past week I discontinued the Oxycontin altogether and I have been averaging 4 Percocet/day (day being 24-hour period, in this case). I am still taking the Valium as needed.

I haven't stopped Atarax but I think I will this coming week. My hospital rash is long gone and the itchy-red-spots are pretty much gone as well. Just some residual itching here and there.

MOVEMENT

Movement is generally the same as last week. Now that the ligament pain (or whatever it was) has let up, I am less reluctant to crutch around. I have even left the house for dinner at a restaurant and other adventures. I am good on my crutches (after much practice!) and I am strong from my pre-surgery fitness level, so moving around is not a problem when the ligament is not bothering me. Some chairs are still uncomfortable, but I can find ways to sit to minimize the pain.

Because I seem to be healing so fast, I have been entertaining delusions of perhaps getting off crutches earlier this time. But I think that is probably not going to happen. I have been ahead in the healing game with this PAO because of the joint capsule -- but cut bones are still cut bones and they are going to take as long to heal on the left side as they did on the right. So I'm just going to be in this I-feel-fine-I-just-can't-walk limbo phase for longer this time. Great.

INCISIONS

Both my incisions look great: click the links for the pictures. The one that really matters is the right side, since that will be my permanent scar on that side. On the left side they will open the scar back up again to get the screws out in a few months anyway, so who cares what it looks like now.

MOOD

My mood is good; mostly stressed. I have had to work a lot during this recovery and it is leaving me with less time to read and relax than I had during my recovery this spring. It is also draining. In the evening I feel like I am going to collapse from exhaustion once I log off work. Another reason I am not getting as much reading done this time around. Happily there's the holiday weekend coming up so maybe I can get through a book.

Next week is my 1 month post-op in Boston. How the time flies as I limp along behind it.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Two Weeks Post LPAO -- Pain & Itching

Today is two weeks from the date of my LPAO, and I have been home from the hospital for a full week. It has been a bit different than my first week home after my RPAO, which you can read about here and here.

For one thing, my activity level my first week home after this surgery was much higher, and not by choice. After my RPAO, I spent the majority of my first week at home sedentary, reading or sleeping in a couch or bed, moving only when necessary. This past week, I had to work full time the whole week. I was, of course, working remotely from Connecticut, not going into the office. But still, that meant sitting upright in a chair at a desk most of the day, and moving around a lot more than I had done in March. Having to work couldn't be helped, but I do think I could have used a bit more sedentary reclining last week.

My pain has been generally well-managed, except for sometimes sharp pain in two specific places. In March, what pain I had would migrate, popping up in different places every time. This time, the pain is localized in two places: the back of my hip joint (it feels like deep inside where my left buttock meets the top of my thigh, maybe the cut in the ischium?), and above my tailbone, on left side, just above my left buttock.

The former pain has lessened over the course of the week and by now is pretty much resolved. The latter pain is much more common and more severe than the former. That pain above my left buttock is almost constant when I am crutching (each time I take a "step" with my left leg, I feel pain there) and can ache while I am sitting in chairs or lying down, especially if I have just been crutching. I have no idea what it is, it doesn't seem to be located near the surgery site at all. I've got an email in to Dr. Millis asking about it.

My best guess is that there is something going on with the sacrotuberous ligament. That would make sense since one of the hamstring muscles originates from that ligament. Maybe when I step a certain way and activate that muscle, it pulls on the sore ligament? Now why the ligament is sore in the first place is a totally different question. Unless of course it is because that ligament connects the sacrum to the tuberosity of the ischium -- the ischium, of course, being the potential source of my other pain described above and one of the bones cut during a PAO. Gosh, surgeons must love it when patients play doctor using Wikipedia.

Moving on. Unlike on my right side after my RPAO, there is no numb spot on my left thigh after my LPAO. Probably because they didn't have to move the nerves around on the left side.

My incision on the left side is fine. The dressing itches sometimes but not too often. It is not generally tender, although earlier in the week it did feel a bit bruised if I pressed gently on my hip near the top of the incision. We have not changed the dressing on the left side. I imagine it will come off some time this week.

My incision on the right side (where the screws were taken out) does not bother me at all. Obviously it was a much shallower cut than the left side. Its dressing came off on Saturday, but the steri-strips remain.

In the hospital I did have some swelling in the hip area on the left side, and my left foot and lower leg swelled up like the blueberry girl in Willy Wonka for a while. But all that swelling is gone now.

My current pain medication regimen is:

-- 1 Oxycodone every 5 hours during the day
-- 1 Oxycontin twice daily
-- 1 Valium as needed during the day
-- 1 Oxycodone and 1 Valium kept at bedside if needed for pain during the night

It is more pain medication than some other PAO women have taken at this point in their healing, but as I wrote a few days ago, I am not being a sissy; I just seem to need more pain medication than most. I am not worried; I will step it down when I am ready, just as I did in March after my RPAO. But currently, especially with that frequent upper buttock pain, I need pain relief.

As I explained in March, the Oxy painkillers do not make me feel mentally foggy in the slightest. Only the Valium makes me a bit scatterbrained and sleepy, so I never take it when I am working, or trying to concentrate on something important like Gossip Girl.

My horrible skin rash has subsided. Probably primarily because I am not laying in those hospital sheets anymore. Earlier in the week I was applying the prescription steroid rash cream twice daily, but since the rash seems to have been vanquished, I've essentially stopped with them now.

Alas, when one itch dies, another is born. Again I am plagued with the itchy-red-spots problem I had in March, probably a side-effect of the pain medications. I am taking Atarax (thrice daily) to combat the itch, and I also try not to scratch. I carry around Sarna lotion and put that on every time I have an urge to scratch. Needless to say, I am very moisturized. It seems to be working because I feel like I have a few fewer itchy red spots than I did mid-week.

I still take aspirin, but I never wear my TED stockings. No one told me I had to. I wore them on the car ride home from the hospital but that was it.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Recovery Day 5 -- Homeward Bound

Among the many uncomfortable things about sleeping post-PAO is the fact that you can only sleep on your back: still and straight like a mummy (with pillows under one leg). Last night I somehow got it into my head that I might be able to sleep on my right side for a while. Surprisingly, it did not work at all. Neither my left hip nor my right appreciated the change. My left (PAO) hip just ached and my right hip's screw-removal incision pulled and pinched. Position change fail.

Dr. Kim came to visit me in the morning. I had actually never met Dr. Kim, so that was a pleasant surprise. He checked my dressings and asked about pain and had me wiggle my toes and all the rest of the typical morning-rounds check up.

At 9:30 Michelle from PT came to get me. I remembered her from March, she is a great PT. She helped me out of bed (an activity which is going more and more smoothly each time I do it) and wheeled me to the PT room. I walked the parallel bars (without help moving the left foot this time) and then got on the crutches to show I could handle them on a flat surface and on stairs -- two prerequisites for my discharge. All of this went very well today. It is such a mystery why sometimes physical things can be so hard and then suddenly so easy.

Obviously I spent two and a half months practicing crutching earlier this year, so that could be the reason for the crutch success. It went well, except that I seemed to be favoring my operated leg a little too much. As I stepped with my left foot, Dr. Millis kept saying "more weight on that foot!" I'm supposed to have 1/6 body weight on the left foot as I step on it, but that is a hard thing to gauge.

Having passed the PT tests, there were just some loose ends to tie up before getting me out the hospital door. There was a humorous moment sizing my TED stockings -- first they gave me size large, regular length stockings. They were loose and too short, like mid-calf gym socks. My mother kept saying I needed LONG stockings because I am tall, and size medium, so they'd be tight enough. A couple of attempts later what I ended up with were tight thigh-high TEDs. They looked sort of trampy, in a way.

The drive home was much better than it had been in March. I was in less pain, perhaps because the surgery had been less invasive so the little bumps and swerves of driving were less disruptive? Or maybe I was just better packed in with pillows and pain pills? Who knows. Another mystery.

By the time we got home to Connecticut three and a half hours later, I was in a lot of pain. While driving, we'd overshot the timing on my oxycodone dosing and so the pain had broken through big-time. I was at 7 or 8 when we got home, just moaning and staring blankly until the pain came back down.

My parents helped me lurch myself up the 13 stairs to my bedroom, and finally I fell into a blessed night of sleep -- in my own bed, without wires, beeping monitors, vital sign checks or rude awakenings by crowds of interns.

Phase One complete. Time for the long Phase Two.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Recovery Day 4 -- Wireless!

Last night was a terrible night because of the rash. Even though I finally got some steroid creams last night, the itching and discomfort was hardly vanquished, and I had to keep calling for Nubain and Benadryl in between my steroid cream applications.

This morning I wanted nothing more than to leap out of bed, have a shower (preferably stripping away several layers of rash-infested skin in the process) and then marinate myself in steroid cream. Last time I had this operation, I absolutely dreaded getting out of bed because it was so painful and logistically difficult. I think the rash is worse this time around, but I know that getting into and out of bed is somehow much less difficult, so it makes sense that I'm much more amenable to getting out of bed.

Nonetheless, I spent most of my morning in bed, working. So much for taking off from work for two weeks after surgery! Dr. LaReau stopped by to check on me, I ate some fruit salad, time passed.

At 10 my catheter came out. With that, I was wireless! No more leads, IVs, drains, nothing. Just me and my rash.

Finally Kimber came for PT, and it was time to get out of bed again. It went better this time; I was more confident with the limits of what I could do, and I also trusted Kimber more. Once up and in my wheelchair, I was taken to the PT room to try walking on the parallel bars. Again, I was pretty confident about it -- after all, this had been a less invasive surgery and I had already done this learning-to-walk-again thing before.

As all you proverb fans probably guessed, it went terribly. At least I felt it did. Just like in March, I couldn't slide my op-side foot forward to save my life. I was so disappointed and confused. This time they didn't cut that muscle! It is supposed to work! Why can't I move my foot?! Kimber helped me slide my op-side foot forward for each "step" but it just felt like cheating. I couldn't do it myself. The whole endeavor hurt my hip and my pride and I felt like a sad failure. I had thought it would be so much easier than in March and it wasn't.

At least when I got back to my room my sheets were changed. But I didn't get to take that long-awaited shower because (of COURSE) I got the only room on the floor with a bathtub instead of a walk-in shower. Perfect. So I had to wait for a new room to open up so I could switch rooms to take a shower. Which meant getting back into bed to stew in my own boiling skin for a few more hours.

I have been on oral pain medication since the epidural came out yesterday, but I still feel like they are not yet covering my pain properly. There are "gaps" where the pain comes through and when I ask if it is time for some more medicine I end up having an hour or more to wait.

Just like in March, I feel like I always have more pain than I "should" have. I know it is probably in my head, but I just get this vibe from people like they think I can't possibly be in pain when I am taking "so much" medication. But I am not exaggerating my pain. When I ask for medication, it is because the pain is at a distracting level, like 5 to 7. Actually, earlier today, when I told one of my nurses my pain had returned and asked if I could have some more medicine she looked at her watch and sort of sighed disapprovingly and said "you are already on a lot of medication..." It sucks to feel simultaneously like a sissy and a junkie.

At around 15:00 two doctors from dermatology came to look at my rash. They didn't take any photos so I guess they were "the deciders." After some chin-stroking they presented exactly no new ideas and no new solutions. So once again dermatology comes up a day late and a diagnosis short. Give me my steroid creams and go away now please.

In the afternoon I got out of bed again for a second session of PT with Kimber. Needless to say, I was not feeling positive about it, but since I had to get out of bed to get my shower anyway, I figured I might as well hit the parallel bars along the way. For some reason, this time it all went much better. Kimber still had to help me move my left foot forward, but at least it felt like I was contributing this time.

And so I earned my reward. Ahh, a shower and a steroid cream body mask. What a spa treatment. After that I was feeling (and looking) much better, so when Dr. Millis stopped by this evening he was happy to see me looking revived. He said everything is going so well that I might even get discharged tomorrow afternoon. The only things left on my to-do list are final x-rays and showing PT I can climb stairs on crutches. And we all know I can do that. Right?

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Recovery Day 3 -- Dermatology Phones it In

This morning my epidural was turned off at 6:00 and I was started on the oral medication cocktail of oxycontin, oxycodone (Percocet) and Valium.

At 7:00 Dr. LaRue came in to check my dressings and I showed him my growing rash. The itching had increased throughout the day yesterday and I could feel that the nubbly, swollen heat rash had begun again, just like last year. ::Sigh::

So far the itching caused by the pain medication has been treated with Nubain and Benadryl, and we've been trying to prevent any rash or further skin irritation with frequent sheet changings and sponge baths, but there is only so much that can be done. I think the rash was inevitable.

As soon as I mentioned the onset of the rash, I was given some over the counter anti-itch cream, but I couldn't get anything stronger until a dermatologist looked at the rash. My experience from last time told me that this would not be happening with anything resembling efficiency.

At 8:00 pain services came again (smartly this time with only one intern in tow) to check on my pain levels with the oral meds. My hips were holding steady between about 1 and 4, depending on movement and time since last dosage.

After all that frantic morning activity I fell asleep until 11:30. I ate a fruit salad for lunch. That is worth mentioning because back in March I had no appetite at all in the hospital and I barely ate anything other than broth until about Friday or Saturday of that week. This time I ate fruit salad the day after the surgery and have eaten a little bit each day since then. Not a lot of food, but a soup here, some fruit there, etc. And that must be good, right?

After lunch, I signed back on to work for a few hours to fight some fires.

Speaking of fighting fires, by early afternoon the monstrous red blotchiness was in full bloom across my back, flanks, buttocks, and down the backs of my legs from my thighs to calves. It had even begun creeping around the front of my left upper thigh and across my stomach. All the while itching violently in hot, angry welts. Although it was clearly the same rash I'd had while recovering in the hospital in March (and therefore my chart already listed all the appropriate steriod creams necessary to soothe it), a dermatology consult was requested.

Meanwhile, Kimber from PT came to help me get out of bed for the first time since my surgery. It went relatively well, despite being herky-jerky and a bit nerve-wracking, and so I spent most of the afternoon sitting in a recliner chair enjoying a break from my hospital bed and waiting for the dermatologist to show up. And waiting. And waiting.

At 18:00 Dr. LaRue stopped by to check on me and took a look at my rash, which was by then much worse than when he'd seen it in the morning. He said he'd personally order up all the dermatology meds that had been used on me in March, and would also make sure dermatology was on its way.

I literally sat in that chair for three hours waiting for dermatology to show up and tell me I had a rash (surprise!), and prescribe me the medications I'd already taken a year ago for the same condition, and that Dr. LaRue had already ordered. Not only was the dermatology consult disrespectfully tardy, but the person dermatology ultimately sent was an intern who just took photos of my rash and threw out a couple of inapplicable but complex-sounding diagnoses that ultimately translated into things like "blocked sweat glands." I suppose blocked sweat glands are what led me to be steweing in a pool of my own sweat for the last few days, right? Eventually the dermatology intern went into a back room to call her attending so she should get coached on what to say to us. Impressive. At least I should finally get some steroid creams out of the ordeal.

Overall, today was physically miserable because of the discomfort and frustration due to the rash, but from a strictly orthopedic perspective it was a great day with good pain control during the switch from epidural medication to oral medication, and a successful adventure out of the bed and into the chair for a few hours. Moreover, with the removal of the epidural, I also got to remove all the leads monitoring heart rate, breath rate, etc., so that means a night free of strangling wires and beeping machines and one more step towards wireless freedom.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Recovery Day 1 -- So Far So Good


My first night in the hospital after the surgery was also a fitful, fractured one. Just as during my hospital stay in March, all my machines kept thinking I was dying in one way or another -- no heart rate, no pulse oxidation, no breath rhythm -- and so the beeping started and stopped all night and thus, so did my sleeping.

Every time I woke up I felt as if a large chunk of time must have passed since the last awakening... and yet the clock had hardly moved at all. I can honestly estimate that I woke up every half hour last night because of beeping, itching or a nurse taking vital signs.

One thing that did not wake me up was pain. The epidural has been handling my pain really well; I've been at a zero on the pain scale so far. This time I don't need a CPM machine, either, because apparently it is not necessary if the surgery does not go into the joint capsule.

My recovery so far is already going better than it did after my March surgery. Although I am still plagued with itch problems (as a side effect of the pain medication), having the use of both my arms to move my body around using the trapeze pole above the bed makes it possible for me to lift myself off the bed so my back can be cleaned, my sheets can be changed and towels can be laid underneath me. Hopefully all these precautions will help keep me cool and dry so I can avoid the heat rash situation that so plagued me in March.

So by midday today I was pretty content -- zero pain thanks to my epidural, clean sheets thanks to my two working arms and my lovely nurse, and itching suppressed thanks to Nubain. And so, contentedly, I slipped into a nap.

Only to awaken with a start some time later to find seven doctors crowded around the bed in my tiny room, staring at me, clipboards in hand. I fumbled for my glasses as one of them began to make introductions and ask me questions. Putting my glasses on did not help focus my thoughts; instead it only made me see in frightful clarity that I was indeed surrounded by doctors with clipboards staring at me, awaiting my answer to the pending question that, in my panic, I had not heard. I was paralysed and made idiotic by the surprise and my self-consciousness, and so when I did start talking, I answered most of their questions vaguely and certainly unhelpfully. By the time I regained (a scrap of) my composure, it was all I could do not to laugh when I realized six of the seven were obviously rigidly earnest interns trailing a resident on rounds. (Hey, I watch Grey's Anatomy, I know what's up.)

Not to be a diva or anything, but that bed-crowding scenario was NOT OK with me. I have no problem with a teaching hospital, or with a resident coming into my room with interns to use me as a learning example. But I do not want to be woken up from delta wave sleep to find seven people in lab coats clustered tightly around my bed, scribbling on clipboards. Once you get over the initial shock, it is creepy, and then plain rude. So I politely asked my nurse if in the future I could be warned, and if necessary, awakened, before a med school field trip took a tourist stop at my room.

Incidentally, the seven doctors with clipboards were from pain services, and after having a discussion that was ostensibly with me, but really amongst each other, they decided to put me on Narcan for my itchiness. Never mind that I was already taking Nubain and Benadryl, both of which were doing the job well for me.

A bit later, PT came by to do some exercises. This seemed as ridiculous to me this time as it had when they came the day after my surgery in March. What could PT possibly think they were going to get done with me one day after major hip surgery? Apparently not much: move your feet up and down, clench your buttocks together, etc. But I guess it is never to early to start moving again.

Unlike in March, this time I seem to have an appetite during recovery. Today I ate a fruit salad and a bit of soup, which seemed to make everyone happy. Drs. LaRue and Millis came in to check on me separately during the evening; both seemed satisfied with my progress so far. And of course Dr. Millis stopped the Narcan as soon as I told him it wasn't doing anything for me and that the Nubain had been working just fine, because he's logical like that.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Six Weeks Post-Op


Springtime has come to Connecticut, so at least now some of my sitting can be done outside in the sunshine, enjoying the slow colorful explosion of my mother's garden.

A week ago I discontinued painkillers entirely; since then pain has been minimal. A few times I have "overdone it," I suppose, but the pain has been manageable with just a few Tylenol rather than the hard stuff.

I still have not exactly mastered the 1/3 weight bearing, so I am contenting myself with an average of 1/3 weight bearing. Sometimes I step too hard, sometimes I don't step enough; so be it. At this point I don't think I'm going to come crashing down in a heap of shattered bones and bent screws if I happen to step on my leg with full weight.

By now I have been to the gym a few times to ride the exercise bike and do some upper body exercises, which has helped my mood considerably. It feels good to get some blood flowing, even if it is only for thirty minutes at zero resistance. That's right, I am up to thirty minutes on the bike. I asked my physical therapist if I can add resistance or some other leg exercises now, but she said I had to wait until I saw the doctor again before I could be cleared for any increases. So that means I am stuck at this level for three more weeks. ::Sigh::

This week I finally removed the shower chair from my shower. I probably could have removed it last week as I hadn't sat on it in a while.

My incision is still plagued by an open wound at the top. Erin (on Dr. Millis' team) said it is called a "suture abcess" and that I should just keep it covered by a Band-Aid until it goes away. Erin didn't seem worried but I can't say I am very pleased about having an open wound for weeks on end.

Last week's malaise hasn't entirely dissipated, but the lovely spring weather and the gym visits have certainly helped. And as always, I have plenty to do.

Work has been very busy these past couple of weeks, in a stressful way more than in a "happy industry" way. I'm very glad to be working from home; I would not be getting nearly as much done if I were in the city struggling to and from the office and trying to handle life alone in my apartment.

The office has kindly let me extend my "work from home" absence past my originally planned return date of May 1. Now I plan to remain in Connecticut with my infinitely helpful and supportive parents until after my next appointment with Dr. Millis, at which I will hopefully be switched down to one crutch or even a cane.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Off The Meds


It has now been five weeks since my surgery.

Today is the first day I have gone without any pain medication at all, and it feels fine so far. I had really been stepping down the dosage slowly prior to that, going by whatever pain level I felt. This morning my hip hardly hurt at all, so I decided to give the day a try without medication.

At this point I can sleep on my right (operated) side for long periods during the night. It feels a bit funny, but it is not painful. I sleep through the night with no problems. I am still clocking about nine or ten hours of sleep every night.

I can move my leg around quite a bit using the muscles near the hip; they are starting to recover nicely. All the exercises I got last week from the physical therapist are going very well; they are almost too easy. Only the hip abduction exercise is still difficult.

I have not been to the gym to do the exercise bike or the weight machines for my upper body -- I'm still trying to work out a membership with the YMCA up here in Connecticut. I really hope to get to the gym soon, as I feel that my sedentary lifestyle is affecting my mood as well as my body.

I am still working on getting my new 1/3 body weight weight-bearing allowance right, but the added weight isn't adding pain in my hip. Even when I've accidentally stepped on it with full weight it has not been painful, just obviously weak.

The numb spot on the side of my thigh is still there. It feels like it might be a little less numb, but it is hard to tell.

My incision has actually regressed and is not looking as good as it was in my last photo. One of the subdermal sutures has poked out at the top of the scar, creating an open wound, so I have to wear a Band-Aid over that part. The rest of the scar looks fine, but it is just redder and more noticeable than it was when I first took the Steri-strips off. I am not sure why. I am allowed to massage the scar with Vitamin E oil now, so maybe that will help.

So basically I am at the point in my recovery where I feel totally healthy, except I am on crutches. It is a very frustrating feeling. Progress was obvious before: less pain, more movement. Now everything just feels stagnant. Before I wasn't frustrated because it was very clear that I was injured and needed to rest and heal. Now it is easy to forget that all I have in those cracks is "fuzzy white stuff" and the bone needs time to heal together into a strong, solid unit again. And so it is easy to fall into the foul mood I have been in for the past three or four days.

I am not bored: I've got plenty to do, especially where work is concerned. But I don't want to do any of it any more. I am tired of this variety of sameness. I move from book to magazine to work task to TV show, I move from bed to armchair to table to couch, but it is all the same. It is all still and slow and seated. And I am really tired of sitting.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

One Month Post-Op Visit


Today was my first post-operative visit with Dr. Millis, one month after my surgery. I had x-rays taken, met with the doctor to discuss my progress, and met with Physical Therapy to discuss my "assignments" for the coming month. My next visit to Boston will be in another month.

Dr. Millis said my x-rays looked great, and that "all the fuzzy white areas" were new bone growing to fill the cracks. Honestly, the whole x-ray looked like fuzzy white areas of varied brightness, so I didn't really see what he was seeing. I will post the new xrays when I get them. Dr. Millis also tested my range of motion in extension, flexion and rotation. In all, he was very pleased with my healing progress.

I got cleared to stop taking aspirin (which I'd been taking to avoid blood clots). I was instructed to continue to wean myself off painkillers as I have been doing. I got cleared to drive a car.

I am still on both crutches, only now I am allowed to put one third of my body weight on the right leg. So not exactly throw-down-your-crutches progress, but progress nonetheless. The problem is that one third of my body weight is a hard weight to gauge when you are thinking about crutching. It is one thing to put just the weight of your leg down. It is another thing to put half your body weight down as you do during when walking normally. But one third body weight? That is two thirds of the normal weight I would put on that leg if I were walking normally. But how does two-thirds normal weight feel? I have no idea. This will take practice.

The meeting with Physical Therapy outlined the range of movement I am permitted and the exercises I should practice in the coming month. I am now allowed full extension of my leg, which means I can lay on my stomach and on my back with no pillow under my leg. I was given a set of starter exercises and instructions to do them at least once a day. I was also given permission to walk in a pool and ride an upright stationary bicycle at no resistance for 10 minutes, building up to 30 minutes.

I was specifically instructed not to do any straight-leg lifts using the quadriceps because the head of one of the quadriceps muscles was detached during surgery (hence my inability to slide my foot forward the first week, remember that?) and still needed time to reconnect securely.

I did a whole set of the exercises with the Physical Therapist and they were pretty challenging despite their simplicity. It is an odd feeling to be starting something so basic from scratch. Before this, I had been moving my limbs around without a problem since birth. It is a bit rough to have to re-learn it all when the limbs are so much heavier and there is far less naptime.

After three hours in the hospital going from appointment to waiting room to appointment again, having Dr. Millis move my leg around to test motion, having the Physical Therapist move my leg around and lead me in a set of exercises -- my leg hurt more than ever. Muscle pain as well as bone pain this time. I foresee a painful period ahead of me as I begin to practice my new movements this coming month.

I am looking forward to moving more and bearing more weight on the leg, but I am also disappointed that the healing process is not moving faster. Looking back over the last month -- or even through this very entry -- the sentiment seems silly: I have progressed so much from being flat on my back in the hospital a month ago. But I have swung back to the way I felt the first weeks after the surgery, when I was unhappily surprised that recovery was so hard and painful. This time, I am unpleasantly surprised that recovery is taking so long. And just like last time, I should be surprised, nor should I have naively expected that somehow, for *me*, everything would be easy and quick. It has all been and will continue to be just as painful and gradual a process it is for every other normal human being. What a surprise.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Three Weeks Post-Op


It is now three weeks post-op and things have definitely improved. Pain is down (as is pain medication), movement is up, and the incision looks amazing. Next week I go up to Boston for my 1-month-post-op visit and then we'll see how much progress I've made internally as well.

PAIN and its MEDICATION

I have far less pain now than I did a week ago, and I get by on far fewer painkillers per day. This past week I have been taking an Oxycontin twice a day, morning and evening, and filling in with Vicodin three times during the day; yesterday I dropped it down to only two Vicodin during the day. This past week I also stopped taking the Valium all together.

Because of the reduction in medication, I don't have the same skin reactions as I did before, so I have stopped taking the Atarax (although I still use the topical rash cream morning and evening in the relevant areas).

My pain is generally very low. Most of the day I am in little to no pain; towards the afternoon I start to feel an ache and that is when I take the Vicodin. If I am going out to something I usually take a Vicodin beforehand as protection, as Dr. Millis suggested, and then I am able to sit through dinners and events with no problem. I sleep well, not waking up too often, and I don't wake up with too much pain in the mornings.

Overall there has been a huge improvement on the pain front this week. Actually Dr. Millis predicted this would happen. When we spoke a week ago he said that I would probably notice a sudden lifting of pain over the next week or so; a disappearance of the constant aching pain that I'd had since the surgery. And so I did.

MOVEMENT

I have made great strides (sorry) in the movement department as well. With the reduction in pain, and the knowledge that I am not overly numbed with pain medication and am not likely to do anything that will "ruin" the surgery, I feel much less nervous about my right leg in general.

I can bend carefully in more directions and at sharper hip angles without the prior pinching; I can move my right (operated) leg out to the side or in across my other leg a little bit (not talking huge ballet swings here, maybe 20 degrees in each direction?); I can rotate my right foot inwards and outwards when my leg is stretched out before me. I can lift and move my leg more often now (which is still not that often) without using my arms to assist, but I can also tell that many of the muscles around my hip are (not surprisingly) very weak indeed and, once I get the go-ahead, are going to need some rehab work.

One thing I have not noticed with any of my increased movements is popping, grinding, clicking, snapping or any other Rice Krispies sounds or feelings coming from my hip. Perhaps that will come with larger movements, but so far so quiet.

I know that I have put a little more than the allowed weight on the operated leg at times (by accident) in the past week and I haven't had any pain result from those brief occasions. I am still under the hospital-discharge instructions to put no more weight on my operated leg than the weight of the leg itself (i.e. resting my foot on the floor), so that is what I do, but it feels like I am ready to put some more weight on the operated leg.

Honestly, with my pain so low and my movement so improved, sometimes this whole surgery/recovery/crutches thing feels fake. Like I could just throw my crutches aside and walk if I wanted to. I suppose that is a dangerous feeling because it could lead to me acting carelessly with a hip that, while feeling much better, is by no means even close to completely healed.

But it seems my naive pre-surgery superhero feelings have begun to resurface -- the ones that made me think this recovery wouldn't be that bad at all (at least not for *me*) and the ones that are making me think the doctor is going to tell me I can throw away the crutches and walk when I go see him on Tuesday. Thank God my parents never got me a Wonder Woman costume for Halloween as a child; I probably would have jumped off a building expecting to fly.

INCISION

One great reminder that none of this is fake at all is the five-inch scar across my abdomen. All the steri-strips are off and it looks amazing, see for yourself. Dr. Millis must have used skin glue or something because the incision has healed together so smoothly and so quickly. But I can't get too excited about it: he is going to reopen it to get the screws out eventually, and I don't know that it will heal up so nicely the second time around.

MOOD

I am in good spirits most of the time, especially now that the pain and itching have lessened and I've gotten more relaxed about the movement of my hip. I am not bored in the slightest: on the contrary I am relishing the opportunity to read voraciously in various media and keep up with my favorite TV shows and movies. This is the part of me that is hoping that the doctor does *not* tell me to throw away the crutches and walk next week. I'm not done with my pile of books yet!

Nevertheless, the bookworming has slowed down in the last couple of weeks as I'm back to working almost full days now during the week. I feel up to it mentally and so far I think I have been doing as good a job as I would be doing if I were physically in the office. Probably better, since I am comfortable and only have a 13-stair commute.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Venturing Out on the Town


Tuesday's big adventure was going out to dinner at a local restaurant. At the time it was my longest excursion out of the house since I got home from the hospital a week and a half ago.

I was already in a bit more pain than usual before we went, but I thought the pain was more from muscle cramping from sitting in one position all day than from hip ache, so I took a Valium instead of an Oxycodone. Wrong choice. I was irritable, sleepy, uncomfortable in my chair, not very hungry and climbing the pain scale throughout the meal. What a terrible dinner date I was for my poor parents!

When I got home, I got a call from Dr. Millis. He wanted to check up on me at the two-week mark. Obviously he was catching me at a low point pain and mood-wise, but despite how awful I felt during the call, I tried to give him a broader picture of how I have been doing these past weeks and the progresses I have made.

The highlights of what he told me were:

-- if I am to undertake anything adventuresome (ahem, restaurant visit), I should prepare by taking extra pain medication beforehand (in this case one or two Oxycodone instead of one Valium) and not torture myself by going poorly protected, painkiller-wise;

-- he did not seem to be concerned about the amount of pain medication I am still needing (I was concerned because some of my PAO peers seem to reduce and even quit their pain medication so quickly, and I just don't think I can do it that fast, nor do I think I am being wimpy about my pain level);

-- I don't have to worry so much about overdoing the angle or the weight on the operated hip -- it will take more than such small things to do damage to the hip and its healing;

-- any grinding, shifting, popping, or clicking I may have felt are normal the first few weeks (I have felt none of those things.);

-- the dressing can come off any time now, the incision will be healed shut by now;

-- the numb spot will continue to recede.

Today I took the dressing off -- it is still hard to tell what the incision looks like because of the steri-strips. Mostly it looks like a 4.5" long mountain ridge curving down from where the iliac crest sticks out in front. Here is a photo; one of the steri-strips has peeled off already so you can see the actual incision there.

For orientation, the grey fabric is my pants, the top of the incision is where my hip bone would stick out really obviously if I were skinny like a supermodel, and the right side of the photo is the right side of my body. The yellowish tinges are from Betadine solution.

[Note, I've also added a post-surgery x-ray photo here, and going forward photos will be easily accessible in the Quick Links section at left.]

Tonight was another big adventure, attending a three-hour fund-raising event with my parents. Again I was already in a bit more pain than normal beforehand, this time because I'd stepped on the dog while swinging my bad leg off the couch -- the dog obviously jumped up and away, wrenching my leg as she moved. It hurt -- me physically and the dog emotionally.

This time I applied the lessons of Tuesday night and took two Oxycodone beforehand and had extra medication with me. (The fact that the event was a trivia competition and I was able to vigorously compete does prove my point that the Oxycodone does not make me foggy at all.) Although my team did not win, the night turned out well overall. My pain stayed very low until the last hour, when it started to increase and distract me. So clearly I can venture out a bit more, but as Dr. Millis suggested, I should be prepared with extra pain medication to avoid self-torture.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Two Weeks Post-Surgery: Pain & Medication


My pain is generally well-managed but there is a lot of it still lurking below the painkiller block. When the pain does break through, it has usually moved to one or another of its favorite places to surface -- sometimes over the incision, sometimes on the outside of my hip, sometimes deep within the joint, sometimes at the top of my iliac crest (where I think there is a screw head), sometimes in the back of my hip joint (deep inside behind the bottom of my right buttock), sometimes shooting itself like a racing stripe down the outside of my thigh, knee and calf.

There is still a numb spot about the size of my hand on the outside of my thigh, right below where the greater trochanter of the femur sticks out to form the widest part of the hip. The numb spot is normal; Dr. Millis said they have to move a significant nerve aside when they are doing the surgery, and this causes some damage to the nerve that gradually repairs itself over a few months. But there will be a steadily receding numb spot there until the nerve has completely healed.

My incision is usually the least of my problems. It is not generally tender, but it itches sometimes under the dressing, and as I mentioned above, it does sometimes hurt. We changed the dressing two days ago, so I saw the scar (through the steri-strips, which means I didn't see much). Not much to report until I really see it when the dressing and the steri-strips come off. The dressing is set to come off this Thursday.

There does not seem to be much swelling at all in the hip area or the leg on my operated side. I am not even sure there was that much swelling in the hospital.

My current pain medication regimen is:

-- 1 Oxycodone every 5 hours during the day
-- 1 Oxycontin twice daily
-- 1 Valium at bedtime
-- 1 Valium kept at bedside if needed for pain during the night

Some PAO bloggers I have read have been on less medication (or less frequent dosing) by this point in their recoveries, so I'm not sure why I'm still needing such high or frequent amounts of pain medication. I have, on occasion of missing a dose or taking a dose too late, had breakthrough pain, and it is not at all tolerable -- about a 5 on my pain scale if I let it get too far. Since leaving the hospital I have stepped down to one Oxycodone every five hours instead of two every four hours, and have switched to taking Valium at nights instead of Oxycodone.

Unlike others, however, I don't find the painkillers make me feel mentally foggy in the slightest. Only Valium makes me a bit scatterbrained and sleepy, which is why I take it at nights now and leave the Oxys for the daytime. But on the current regimen I have been reading varied, mentally stimulating books and magazines, playing (and winning) fierce games of Trivial Pursuit and staying generally awake and alert all day, save an afternoon nap. So I'm in no rush to get off the pain killers for any philosophical or mental acuity reasons, I just find it interesting that others have weaned off them tolerably so much more quickly than I seem to be doing.

Of course, one must consider that my surgery took seven hours rather than the four and a half hours Dr. Millis had originally predicted, and my bones were, according to him, incredibly strong and difficult to cut. I have five screws rather than the usual number of three most often used in these operations. Also, I came out of surgery with an elbow injury on top of the hip situation (and then there was the heat rash!), so maybe my body's healing department has had a lot a lot of balls in the air and that is why my pain has been persisting longer than that of my PAO peers. Or maybe everyone is different in their healing and it is what it is.

Speaking of heat rash, I've been applying the prescription rash cream twice daily since I left the hospital. The dragonhide that formed after the fiery welts I had in the hospital has completely flaked off by now and the marks of the rash are reportedly looking much better and almost dissipated.

The itchy-red-spots problem (which apparently is a side-effect of the pain medications, although I have not read of similar reactions among any of my PAO peers) persists, but seems to have been lessening steadily. For that I try (usually unsuccessfully) not to scratch at the spots and I apply Gold Bond lotion twice daily. Mostly it feels like I have a mild but chronic case of chicken pox.

I am also still taking the Atarax pills (twice daily) that I was taking when I left the hospital for the itching/spots. I think I will reduce the Atarax as the pain medications are reduced.

I was never given Lovenox or even Coumadin at the hospital, just aspirin, so I keep taking that once daily to keep my blood thin and clot-free as I'm healing. I stopped wearing my TED stockings after a few days at home. Even in the hospital they weren't very tight and didn't seem to be doing anything that a pair of drug-store knee-highs couldn't do. Plus, no one told me I had to wear them when I got home.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

First Week Home


I've been back at home for four days now. The routine is really one of keeping me comfortable, clean, and as pain-free as possible. I would not say I have been progressing in leaps and bounds.

The pain is variable. At times it is quite bad and I am unable to focus on anything else until the medication kicks in; at other times it is more manageable. Sometimes the variation seems to be related to movement (crutching around, showering, etc.) but sometimes not. I suppose that is how it is these first weeks when things are shifting and mending and moving about in there.

When I was first taught to crutch by the PT tech at the hospital, the instruction was to put all weight on the left (non-op-side) foot, move the crutches forward a foot or so, slide my right (op-side) foot forward (toes slightly up so as not to snag on the carpet) until it is even with the crutches, then lean almost all my body weight on the crutches (only bearing 1/6th of my body weight on my op leg -- basically the weight of the leg itself) and follow by bringing my non-op-side foot even with my op-side foot and the crutches.

At first I couldn't slide my op-side foot forward at all. The muscle just wasn't there. I would stare at the foot and try to THINK it forward but I just couldn't get any muscles to respond to slide it forward. I had to get the foot where it was going by leaning forward so the weight momentum would swing it forward to meet the crutches, or by creeping forward along the floor with the toes, or some other cheat.

But by now whatever hip flexor/quad muscle was not firing before is working to slide my right foot forward as I crutch. So that is progress! I can slide my op-side foot forward six inches across the floor. Trophy please!

Crutching is very tiring. Standing on one leg is also very tiring. Pretty much everything I do that is movement requires so much effort by every single part of my body except my right leg that I am exhausted after the smallest feats. A shower, a staircase, a switch of positions... all of it requires a rest period afterwards, and sometimes some Valium if the movement has caused muscle cramps or extra pain.

I can sleep on my left side for long periods (i.e. more than an hour = long) during the night and switch from lying on my back to lying on my left side on my own. It is neither easy nor comfortable to do so, but I can do it. There are times when sleeping on my left side is far more comfortable than sleeping on my back, but combining the words sleeping and comfortable is still an exercise in oxymoronism.

I have not made any progress at all with the itching, however. I must be reacting to one of the medications, but I just itch all the time. Not the same as the heat rash, but just like itching little red bumps everywhere. I am still taking Atarax (which I was taking in the hospital for the heat rash) so the itching is supposedly being controlled, but you could fool me.

Another strange thing I have noticed is wild temperature fluctuations. I swing from freezing cold to complete hot flashes in what seems like fifteen minute intervals. Makes dressing very difficult but I'm learning to love layers. I think this must also be some some sort of medicine reaction.

My dressing is beginning to peel off so I've got an email in to the doctor to find out when that can come off. It is pretty much deciding the timing itself at this point, but I don't want to just rip the rest of it off without his permission.

Other than that, no news from the home front.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Recovery Day 3 - My Back is Covered in Magma


Today my linens were changed again, but this time Dr. Millis himself was smart enough to be there for the actual changing -- I think he knew I'd throw a fit (because last time I was so nervous about the moving around and the sea-mammal-lifting scenario) and that my pride would probably cause me to suppress my panic in front of the head of the orthopedics department and therefore allow the deed to be done. Again I question why my linens needed to be changed less than 24 hours since their previous change. But anyway.

There were a lot of people around (male and female nurses); Dr. Millis was distracting me by talking about various unrelated things and giving me various meds while others were messing with the bed around and beneath me. So it all went far less terribly this time than my apprehensions had suggested. It also helped that my left elbow had healed enough that I could lift myself with its help from the trapeze, unlike last time.

My epidural was also taken out today, which was far less painful than I'd anticipated it would be. I suppose the epidural itself inside my back was quite small -- although I will say that it did affect how you could lean back in your seat, it had to be just right or it dug into your spine in quite the wrong way. A bigger coersion to removal was the tape around the epidural site and wires -- it itched crazily (a trend, you will see). But all went well and the epidural came out just fine and left almost no mark, as the hole in my spine had been so tiny. The epidural delivery system itself had been off since the morning anyway (meaning no medicine had been flowing through) as I was transitioning from that delivery system to my new oral meds.

The real, very distressing concern I had with removing the epidural had nothing to do with pain. Without an epidural (the wires for which had kept me in bed since the surgery), I no longer had any need for a urinary catheter, and without a catheter, I'd have get out of bed to use the toilet. (Sorry, I'm going to have to discuss catheter territory here...) So far, I hadn't had to get out of bed for anything, and, because I had a the luxury of a catheter, I'd kept myself very hydrated, drinking tons of water in addition to the IV fluids I was receiving on a 24 hour basis. I happened to be on the phone when the nurse who was sponge-bathing me mentioned something in passing about removing my catheter and began fussing around down in the catheter area. (Red flag just on its own.) Hold the phone, literally. I was not about to fall for that little she's-distracted-by-the-phone diversion trick. So I got off the phone and launched into a little whining parade, asking why I couldn't just keep the catheter until I learned to get out of bed safely. But I guess catheters are often the source of infection and so they should come out as soon as possible. Given the fear I'd already acquired about moving (even just enough to change my linens), and the amount of fluids I'd been drinking (consequence-free due to the catheter), I was actually prepared to accept the risk of a UTI (everyone likes cranberry juice, right?) over a constant (one-legged) Tigger-like bed to bathroom bouncing cycle. Alas, mine was the minority opinion and so the catheter too came out.

This meant that by Thursday afternoon I'd become almost totally wireless -- no leads, no epidural, no catheter, no IV-drips (although the IVs were still in place should they need to be hooked up to something or other).

This would all have been excellent progress except that Thursday also suffered from a timing problem. The day was supposed to have gone like this: get wireless, get a pint of my own blood transfused (for extra pizzazz!), get out of bed with PT's help, learn to use the rolling commode chair to get to the bathroom, rest on laurels. But instead, something got delayed with the blood and the schedule went more like this: get wireless, wait for the pint of own blood, inevitably have to go to the bathroom but no more catheter and no training in how to get out of bed (because PT wouldn't come until after I've gotten my pint of blood, of course, which makes perfect sense in Nonsense Land). For bathroom breaks I was forced instead to choose between pissing myself or using a bedpan, both choices I had planned to put off until at least my mid-80s.

The bedpan required me to hoist myself up on the trapeze, a nurse to position a plastic bowl-type thing beneath me, me to lower myself onto it and try to pee in it without missing and pissing all over my bed (which of course, could have been an option on its own, as you recall). Lots of people have to help set this bedpan scenario up for you and so you are not exactly left with any modesty while performing the task. It is mortifying and disgusting beyond belief, and honestly should be someone's episode of Fear Factor. Personally, I chose to add in the optional pre-bedpan temper tantrum (which does not lessen the bladder's needs) before succumbing to the bedpan option. I did, however, maintain what I thought was a shred of dignity by countenancing a complete, unabated, immature and utterly satisfying fury for the remainder of the day, and going on a water strike. All of which, I'm sure, showed them.

When you think of fury, you imagine, perhaps, Yosemite Sam's ruddy, seething face beginning to shake, or the way Acme characters' faces fill up red from the bottom until the very pate is reached and "TILT" begins to flash in their eyes. I am not going to say that in a similar manner my bedpan humiliation fury was physically manifested by the pulsing, hot, Habanero-like heat rash I was to suffer for the remainder of my hospital stay, but I'm not going to deny the metaphoric coincidence either.

As you may recall, during my feverish period described yesterday, my back would pour sweat and feel like an inferno, and I would stuff as many ice packs as possible back there to try to alleviate the situation. All that heat and pressure (despite the ice packs) eventually lead directly to a horrible, spreading, angry heat rash that inspired absolute insanity in me, removing my concern for hip pain, consideration of others, desire for food, drink, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and replacing it with a frantic desire to rip the skin off my back with any available shredding and/or rending type object(s). This frantic heat rash condition could be controlled slightly with various anti-itch medications, but would become a background tenet of my mood for the remainder of my stay.

So needless to say, Thursday was an angry day. Not only were my linens changed again in some sort of spasm of sadistic cleanliness, my back began to boil like a hot, itchy pool of magma, my catheter was removed before I knew how to get out of bed, and my dignity was stolen and beaten and ridiculed and tossed into a bedpan in front of male nurses.

On the plus side, I did get to have a shower.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Recovery Day 2 -- Fail Whale


After a good night's sleep last night, I continued the Sleeping Beauty trend through most of the morning, confounding many of the various medical team visitors that came by in the morning intending to work with/on me and finding some sort of hibernating, mumbling creature in my bed.

My lucky epidural/Valium/nubain combination certainly did treat me well through the night and this morning, but when I finally woke up midday I had two problems. One was that my shoulder muscles, having been kept in the same position for two days and nights straight (because of IV lines and injury), were stiff and very sore. The second was that Phlebotomy had not been deterred and was waiting for me to wake up. Seriously? Are they playing some sort of sick darts game with me? Didn't I just give them blood samples yesterday? I was unable to feign sleep well enough to discourage them, so they stuck me again and again and again until they they finally found a vein that could give them what they wanted.

By now all the evil forces amassed against me had noticed that I'd awakened and so I was cheerfully told it was time for my bed linens to be changed. Last time I had checked, I had been lying quite immobilized on my bed linens, tangled up to several types of wires, hooked to a CPM machine, and basically inextricably attached to my bed and, therefore, its linens. I also did not particularly care that my linens were at this point a day-and-a-half old. I don't even change my sheets at home every day and a half. But the hospital cared, and so I was -- strongly against my will, I note for the record -- forced to have my linens changed.

The linen change operation can best be pictured if one imagines how one moves a large sea mammal -- an orca, say, or a manatee -- from one tank to another at Sea World. A big sling is positioned under the enormous beast and then is hoisted; the animal is lifted, fins flopping out to the side, pulleys straining, as the tank is hurriedly changed or cleaned beneath the teetering mass of blubber. Finally, thankfully, the hovering sense of disaster is abated as the humiliated and panting celaphopod is lowered back down to its bed -- I mean, tank.

My CPM machine was not replaced after the linen change, since I'd had the machine on and constantly running since immediately post-surgery. This meant that my operated leg was in a new position and that a pressure sore that had, gradually and, at the time painlessly, been created by the support bar of the CPM machine against the underside of my thigh, had begun to make itself known as the sedation masking it wore off. Quickly and excruciatingly.

Physical therapy came and did some mild exercises with my legs and feet; I ate some broth. All the while the pain from my new positioning increased, the pressure sore began to liken a red-hot poker pressing into my thigh, and, somehow, the epidural began to decrease in effectiveness (despite being raised from 8 to 10 by Dr. Millis last night.)

By late afternoon I was probably at a seven or an eight on my pain scale, moaning and crying and repeatedly pressing the nurse call button to beg hysterically for help or a shotgun. Unluckily, my mother was out taking a walk at this point, so I was literally alone, sobbing into the abyss and the nurse call walkie-talkie.

The pain began above my hip, probably where the screws entered my iliac crest just below my waist on the right side. The pain widened and deepened at the hip joint itself, illuminating all the different moving parts aching inside the joint and around it, including the muscle along the outside of the hip joint. The pain then shot down the right side of my thigh and flared out again near the lateral tibial head, narrowing and dissipating down the lateral side of my right calf. This pain was steady and totally consuming, and I couldn't figure out why it would radiate out so far from the hip itself.

I cried and moaned and hit the call button again and again. Finally, FINALLY, a nurse came and brought Pain Services, who discussed my pain and did some sensory tests to determine the coverage area of my epidural. The Pain Services team eventually decided to raise my baseline epidural to 12 and to give me a jump start on pain relief by injecting a small dose of lidocaine directly into my epidural line. Although it was not instantaneous, the lidocanine did the trick and provided me with possibly my first (and only) pain free 90 minutes while in the hospital.

Once the lidocaine kicked in and my biggest crisis was resolved, some of my smaller irritations could be addressed. I'd been feverish all day, so my body temperature had been fluctuating between chills and hot flashes. When I was hot, I was dripping sweat and had to be packed around with ice packs all over me; when I was cold, I was swathed in blankets and chattering my teeth. When I was hot, my back would itch and drip and feel like an inferno pressed against the pillows and the bed, and I would stuff as many ice packs as I could between myself and the bedding. My fever hit 102 at its highest. My back itched and overheated horribly, only worsened by the enormous ace bandage dressing wrapped around my incision as well as my entire abdomen.

Needless to say, this was an incredibly uncomfortable day. I was in pain and/or discomfort almost constantly, as well as woozy for long portions when I was on Valium to help me relax and Nubain to help relieve the itching.

At 6:30pm Dr Millis came by to remove the large ace bandage dressing and replace it with much smaller dressing over the incision alone, which relieved some of the abdominal discomfort, but not the horrible itching and damp heat on my back. I saw my incision through the stitches and steri-strips -- it looks about five inches long and not horribly disgusting. Dr. Millis said my fever was normal. He looked at the pressure sore from CPM machine but declared it didn't look that bad, which was annoying since it certainly continued to *feel* that bad.

I ate my first food (some bites of scrambled eggs and a few crackers) so I'd be able to start switching to oral medicines in the next day or two.

I would have to say that today, Wednesday, was one of the very worst days so far, and that I am surprised and disappointed that I was so very uncomfortable and painful several days after the surgery. I didn't expect the recovery to be pain free, but I certainly did not expect the seemingly increasing level of durable, multivalent misery that I would be still be experiencing several days following the surgery.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Recovery Day 1

Last night -- the night after my surgery day -- was rougher than I thought it would be. Despite being exhausted after the surgery, I kept being snatched from the edge of sleep by various distractions, both human and electronic. Nurses came often to check my vitals, and oversensitive monitors periodically became convinced that I was no longer breathing, which of course sounded an emergency alarm that brought people running to my unnecessary rescue. My sleep was fitful from all the interruptions, and uncomfortable because of the itchiness brought on by the epidural medications and the all the contraptions stuck to and moving on me.

In my bed, I was sleeping with two IV lines, three monitor leads, a pulse oximetry meter, rhythmically inflating compression leg wraps on both lower legs and my entire right leg in a continuous passive motion (CPM) machine cycling my hip constantly between 30 and 70 degrees. Cozy.

The 11pm nurse shift change brought relief in the form of a wonderful nurse who gave me Nubain (for itch) and Valium (for muscle relaxation and sleep) among other delights. I slept much more comfortably after that but I wouldn't call it cozy.

This morning Dr. Sankar came to see me as I awoke, and he said I looked very well for someone the morning after surgery. Phlebotomy followed Dr. Sankar, which caused me to mar my fine looks with a considerable scowl, as they pincushioned me for some blood tests. The scowl deepened when I found out these would be daily blood tests.

Then the physical therapist arrived, which I honestly thought was a joke. Seriously, how much physicality did they think they were going to be able to get out of me in this state? A toe wiggle? Well, that was pretty much the answer. Wiggle your toes, move your ankles, etc. They did ask me to isometrically tighten the quadriceps muscle in my right (operated) leg as much as I could. It was a strange sensation to be sending my leg muscles signals that simply did not seem to be received. The therapist laid her hand on my thigh and said she could feel my muscle contracting, so my efforts were not unheeded, but I was still numb to any response at all and the non-feeling was quite bizarre.

I spent most of today sleeping, probably making up for my poor night's sleep last night. In the evening the anaesthesiologist checked on my left elbow injury -- I still couldn't use it to help lift myself using the trapeze (the pole above my bed that can be used to lift and adjust the body using the arms) and I still did not have full extension or flexion. The pain was tolerable if I kept the elbow relatively still, but it was obviously a concern for the surgery team.

Dr. Sankar also came by in the evening to remove my "drain," a pair of tubes that had been left in the wound and led out to a collection pouch outside the body to drain away blood and fluid from inside the surgery site. The drain reduces swelling and aids in healing, and had been emptied several times since I'd gotten to my room on Monday night.

When Dr. Millis came up at 7:45pm, my last visitor of the night, he asked what my pain level was in my hip. I told him honestly that it felt like I had a machete driven through my groin. He thought this a sufficient enough reason to increase my baseline epidural from 8 to 10. The machete became a steak knife and the night passed relatively peacefully.

Monday, March 16, 2009

The Surgery Itself


My mother and I made the chilly, five minute, pre-dawn walk to the hospital. Right on time at 6:00am I made a point of bounding up the hospital stairs towards the Admitting department, ticking off my last "last" before surgery. In the Admitting area there were three other patients with their families checking in for surgery. All of them were kids, except for me, which I guess is to be expected at a children's hospital. They were, alternatively, sniffling and clutching a teddy bear, silent and affectless, and moderately cheerful. I was actually a bit jocular and excited, which seems an utterly inappropriate mood with which to approach major surgery.

By 7:00am we were all in the pre-op holding area, a room lined with curtained off alcoves, like stalls in a barn. In my "stall" I changed into my surgical "johnny" gown and met with the anaesthesia team. They reiterated everything that had been discussed about anaesthesia during the pre-op meeting in February.* In some PAO blogs I'd read that some patients had experienced problems with their epidurals where the wrong leg was numbed, or the epidural did not work at all. When I mentioned this to the anaesthesiologist, his answer seemed to be something like: "yes, that happens sometimes; it is tough to pinpoint the right spot; we are actually working blind in there because we are not going to bring in a fluoroscopy for a simple epidural, but we do these all the time so it should be fine." Oh, OK, now I feel better.

Dr. "Woody" Sankar came to sign my hip and Dr. Millis, sporting a green St. Patrick's Day bow tie, stopped by to answer last minute questions. He estimated he would be done with the surgery by 1:00pm. After the doctors left, the anaesthesiologist gave me "something to relax" through my IV -- I don't know what it was but it hit me almost instantaneously.

Quickly thereafter, at 7:45am, I was wheeled into the operating room and my mother was taken into the family waiting room. I didn't have my glasses on anymore, but through the fuzz I saw that the OR was full of a lot of people, a lot of tables and a lot of stuff on the tables, everything in the blue/steel/white color palette that looks so good with my complexion. I also remember thinking Dr. Millis' surgical cap was not at all like the caps the surgeons wear on Greys Anatomy.

My gurney was wheeled close to another bed, which had been piled with pillows or cushions of some kind, and I was told to swing my legs around so I was sitting on the side of my bed resting my shoulders, forearms and head on the cushions. "Try to make your back into a 'C' shape," the anaesthesiologist said.

Wait just a minute, I thought. This is the procedure for getting an epidural. I am not supposed to be conscious while getting an epidural. I am not supposed to remember this part. I am way too conscious for this. Meanwhile people behind me are telling me what a great spine I have and what a wonderful "C" shape I've made with it, and Dr. Millis and his strange surgical cap are right in front of my face talking about things completely unrelated to how overconscious I am during this epidural placement. Dr. Millis is holding my hand and the man behind me is saying "this is some local anaesthetic, just a small pinch," and I recoil from the not-small pinch and am told to hold still. At which point I think, oh God, this epidural thing really going to blow and I am far too conscious!!, but then it just a bit of pressure and it is done. The man behind me asks me if it tingles on the right side or the left side of my spine and I tell him it is the right side and I am conscious enough to know and be relieved that the right is the correct side for this epidural to work.

So then many hands help put me on my back on an operating table, and Dr. Millis puts this fleshy plastic face mask over my nose and mouth and I remember he was talking to me and holding my hand and I was frustrated because I wanted to answer but I couldn't because of the windy face mask. And then I was gone.

Since seeing me off by the operating room door, my mother had been waiting in the family area. At 9:30 she was told that all was going well and that my surgery had begun at 8:45. By 11:00am the doctor had begun making cuts into the bone but had not inserted any screws yet. By 12:30pm the doctor had discovered the superhuman bone density of my skeleton and was still cutting bone and was now estimating two more hours of surgery. By 3:20pm the doctor was almost finished and was closing the incision, but the nurse said he would not come out to talk to my mother until I was awake and moved into my bed in the Post-Anaesthetic Recovery Unit (PACU).

Meanwhile, I was coming to in the PACU in what should have been relatively pain-free awakening from general anaesthesia. Unfortunately, during the surgery my left arm had been placed in a position that normally would have been comfortable but in my case was not. The left arm had two IV lines, an arterial line and a blood pressure cuff on it, and was stretched out straight across a table, supported with pads and gel packs. Despite all those protections, my left elbow somehow hyperextended, causing straining or microtearing of the tendon attaching my biceps muscle to my radius.**

I can't even remember if I had any hip pain at all when I woke up because all I remember is excruciating pain in my left elbow. My cries utterly confounded the PACU staff who were (understandably) under the impression my hip was my most likely pain locus. All I recall from this period in the PACU is whimpering and moaning and leaking tears as people tried to figure out what was wrong with me. No conclusion was ever really reached, but I was given morphine anyway, which helped a little.

At 4:10pm Dr. Millis came out to the family waiting area to speak to my mother. He said the surgery had gone well, and that I was out and awake and feeling no pain in the hip, but that I was feeling pain in my elbow. He also mentioned that I had very strong bones, which was why the surgery took longer than expected. Dr. Millis showed my mother films taken during the surgery as the bone was cut, moved and after the five screws had been inserted. The doctor showed a comparison of my pre- and post-surgery hip socket angles -- my pre-surgery angle was 90 degrees and the goal for the surgery had been to increase the angle to at least 110 degrees. The post-surgery angle was actually 114 degrees, so Dr. Millis was obviously quite pleased with that outcome.

You can see the increased coverage of the femoral head ("ball" of the joint) in the image to the left. Compare my left and right hip socket coverage and it is obvious how much more of my right femoral head is in the socket compared to the left femoral head. Obviously all my new hardware is quite visible as well.

The doctor also mentioned that he had not used all of the pints I'd autologously donated prior to surgery, since most of my blood replenishment during surgery came from the cell saver system. But he would probably be using some of my donated pints to ease my recovery in the next few days.

At 5:30pm my mother came to see me in the PACU. I was already on morphine for the elbow pain, so my hysteria had lessened slightly at this point. She fed me ice chips while I kept trying to clear my throat of the breathing tube feeling. While she was there Dr. Millis and Dr. Sankar were adjusting my CPM machine, which I would use for the next few days.

At 7:00pm, twelve hours since I'd first hit a gurney, I was wheeled into my room on the 10th floor. Luckily, I had a private room with a lovely view. I didn't spend much time enjoying the view, though, as I was exhausted -- from the surgery, the sedation, the pain, the morphine, everything. I think I was asleep by 8:00pm.

* All quotes and dialogue attributed to medical staff at Childrens' Hospital are taken from the memories of my mother and my(drugged)self, and should not be considered direct quotations or perfectly correct paraphrasing.

**This is my diagnosis, not a doctor's. But I still think it is right.